When I was growing up, my parents were pretty laissez-faire about raising my sisters and me. They would just give me Ritalin, let me watch trashy reality television and South Park unsupervised, and pawned me off to a nanny. Anyway, I’ll save my bitching about my mom and dad’s parenting skills for therapy and talk about all of my knowledge about the best of the worst trashy reality shows from our childhood that you totally forgot about. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, which is probably littered with Four Loko cans, G-strings from Kitson, and Ryan Cabrera’s used condoms.
Move aside, male rompers, there's a new wardrobe staple bros need. That is, bros afflicted with affluenza or micropenis. Introducing Birddogs shorts, the go-to apparel designed for and by that boy from freshman year that still texts you "hey u up?" even though it's been, like, 6 years since you got to third with him over Spring Weekend.
How did YOU spend your Christmas Eve? I spent mine sneaking off to the bathroom for copious amounts of time to vicariously live through the Kardashians and watch their Instagram stories from their Khristmas Eve party! (Special shoutout to lactose intolerance and eggnog for giving me a believable excuse). We’ve talked about how the Kardashians have the most iconic holiday celebrations, so of course I had to give you the lowdown on what I learned about the Kardashians while I was hiding away from celebrating Christmas with my own flesh and blood.